Does Some Pain Not Count?

(David Castillo Dominici - FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

As we think about pain and, as per our last post, the idea of having perspective on pain, we can often fall into one of two extremes.  One extreme is to think or say, "Unless I am in a country that is being ravaged by war and I am physically sufferings because of malnutrition, my pain is not legitimate and I should just get over it."  The other end of the spectrum is to think that all pain is equal and therefore me feeling a bit sad today is pretty much the same thing as someone losing a family member to cancer.

Now when you read the second example, you may think, "But no one ever thinks that.  People know those aren't the same."  I would agree that many or even most people know that pain falls across a spectrum, but at least consider that when people express pain to a friend, a common response is to share a story of pain back so as to 'relate'.  Our inclination as humans is to make ourselves the center of the story, and we do this whether things are going well or if we are in the middle of a dark valley.

Here's the main point: All pain is real.  Not all pain is the same, but all pain is very real to the person who is experiencing it.  

There is pain felt by a person who lost a job, and in the moment that person can feel very real pain - the pain of rejection, the pain of doubts around self-worth, the pain of fear around how he/she will provide for the family, and the list goes on.  At the same time, a person who is suffering in the final stages of cancer is also experiencing real pain, and while most would argue that the second example is more painful than the first, the experience of pain often blinds us (for better or for worse) from being able to see clearly and from having perspective.

When it comes to application of this truth, here are three thoughts.

1.  When a person expresses pain, it is pretty rare that what the person needs is a 'suck it up' speech from you as the listener.  Perhaps after the pain has subsided a bit, a conversation can be had to talk though perspective on pain, as well as growing the ability to suffer well.

2.  It has been my experience that pain is best deal with ahead of time.  By this I mean in the moment most people don't want to be taught theological truth about pain, and in fact most people can't even hear it if they find the pain is too severe.  This means we must lay a foundation for dealing with pain before the pain comes.  We must build up our spiritual and mental reserves so that when we enter a dark valley, we have something which we can call up.

3. The presence of Christ is needed to give hope and offer healing in pain.  That often comes as a Christ-follower sits with and cares for those in pain.  I recall a story from Ravi Zacharias of when his daughter was experiencing some very real emotional pain as a young girl.  Ravi admits his solution was to lay out the facts of the situation, which as you can imagine did not help his daughter.  Ravi's wife's response was masterful.  She sat and held their daughter and sang some of their favorite hymns of hope.

- tC